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Are You Feeling Deprived?

Are you feeling deprived?










Are you feeling deprived?

When I have session with a client I ask them “Are you feeling deprived”?  It makes everyone think and they usually say yes.

Typical answers that clients share are:

  • Sleep
  • Emotional support
  • Time to myself
  • Physical energy
  • Not catching up with friends
  • Companionship
  • Peace
  • Hope
  • Touch
  • Peace and quiet
  • Not having a relaxing day without a meltdown
  • Someone who understands.

Awareness id a powerful catalyst for positive change and in time when you start to recognise when you are feeling deprived, you can put self care into practice.

I have come to learn that over giving is often a sign of deprivation – a signal that a need isn’t being met, an emotion isn’t being expressed, or a void isn’t getting filled.  For example, while you might dedicate hours to coordinating the family’s social calendar, you may actually be yearning for deeper and more meaningful connections, stimulating conversation, or greater intimacy with yourself.  You might also be available and generous with others because on some level you have an unconscious desire to get what you give, whether it’s acknowledgement, affection, recognition, or support.

Becoming away of how you feel deprived can be a key to recognising what needs to shift emotionally and physically.  In what ways are you starving yourself of what you need to live a rich and fulfilling life?

Since awareness in and of itself inspires change, I’d like to challenge you to spend the next 30 days becoming skilled at seeing the ways, big and small, that you deprive yourself of what you need.  Rather than feeling like a victim to something outside of yourself, when you realise that you alone are responsible for over giving, you can actually empower yourself to do something about it.

Discovering where you feel deprived

This challenge is a call to consciousness – becoming more aware of how, why and where you feel deprived.  It is handy to have a little notebook handy that you can take everywhere with you.  Whenever you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, burdened, or resentful, stop and ask yourself:

  • Where do I feel deprived?
  • What do I need more of right now?
  • What do I need less of?
  • What do I want right now?
  • What am I yearning for?
  • Who or what is causing me to feel resentful and why?
  • What am I starving for?

Your answers to these questions will help you to identify the areas of your life that are calling for greater consciousness, an increase in your awareness of what needs to change to keep you from feeling deprived.

If you would love to join my It’s Time to Look After Me, we look in depth in this are.



It is Time to Shed the Darkness

DarknessDo you feel burdened with your life?  It is time to shed the darkness.

Darkness is everywhere and it is growing.  We are constantly being bombarded with hate through media outlets, Governments, social media etc etc etc.

This has been highlighted recently when Stuart Kelly took his own life due to the huge amount of abuse and hate mail since his brother was killed in a one punch attack.   He had to endure so much hate towards his family because the NSW Government changed the Lockout Laws in any hope that no one else would be killed.  What absolutely astounded me is that his brother was the one killed by the punch………..not the one who threw it.  Shouldn’t these individuals be sending the letters to the person who committed the offence?

A conversation I participated in on a page in an Autism group brought up the divide that is becoming more apparent within the Autism community.  I reflected on this because it is becoming more and more apparent and it is breaking my heart.  The divide is occurring because people are so judgemental towards each other and individuals feel they have a “right” to be judgemental, rude.  People wear their rudeness like a badge of honour and think it is a fantastic trait.

Each of us needs to desperately look at our interactions to reduce the darkness in our mind, body and spirit.  This heaviness could be heaviness in our moods, stress levels heavy work load.  By replacing this darkness to lightness you will feel more fulfilled with vitality and energy.

To lift the darkness into lightness some great strategies are:

  • Think before you make comments on social media and refrain from judgements, rudeness.
  • Show more compassion and listen to someone.
  • Meditation.
  • Exercise.
  • Eating well.
  • Doing something for you everyday in self care.
  • Listening to music.
  • Spending some quality time with your family members.
  • Take action and stop procrastinating.
  • Being grateful for what you have.
  • Stoping the negative thoughts and labelling them as unhelpful.


Extreme Self Care is for Selfish People

Extreme Self CareExtreme Self Care is for Selfish People!

Did you agree or disagree?

What is the difference between self care and extreme self care?

Do you personally think that self care is selfish because you are a mum or dad and you should be looking after the children?

At this moment, I am writing this post and enjoying a nice glass of wine.

Could a glass of wine be seen as part of your self care?  Yes it is.

How can we be the parent that you want to be (a did not mention “the perfect parent”) if you are not looking after yourself?

The truth is that when we decide to care for ourselves in a more attentive, proactive, and soul nourishing way, we’re forced to confront a cultural view that selfish is a dirty word.

Can we be a good mum or dad to our children if you are not looking after yourself?  No you cant.  All you will end up doing is destroying your immune system, being exhausted and not connecting with those around you like you want to.

When we care for ourselves deeply and deliberately, we naturally being to care for others – our families, our friends, and the world – in a healthier and more effective way.  We become conscious and conscientious people.  We tell the truth.  We make choices from a place of love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation.  We begin to understand that we’re all connected, and that our individual actions affect the greater whole in a more profound way than we ever imagined.

The art of self care takes patience, commitment, and practice.  It initially requires a willingness to sit with some pretty uncomfortable feelings such as guilt – for putting your own needs first, fear of being judged and criticized by others, or anxiety from challenging long held beliefs and behaviours.

As a telephone support worker for PANDA supporting mums and dads suffering through Postnatal Depression the importance to spend at least 5 minutes in a day with some form of self care activity.  If anyone told me that they didn’t have 5 minutes, I would say that is crap.  We all have five minutes which we could put to self care activities.

It could be enjoying a coffee whilst looking out the window, reading a magazine, a book, watching TV.  Whatever it is for you to enjoy.  Just book it in to do it once a day and make a commitment.  You will be surprised on how it will make you feel both physically and mentally.

I Don’t Have Time For Self Care

I hear a lot that people do not have time and I usually say in reply “make the time.”  See self care as an appointment that you don’t ever cancel.  I am not telling you to do 30 minutes each day but at a minimum 5 minutes.

Imagine the cost to your health and to your family if you run yourself in the ground.  As the saying goes “you can’t burn ends of the candle.”  Our bodies have a way of making us stop when it has reached the point of no return.  We are either sick, depressed and not able to function.  By taking 5 minutes for yourself each day will help stop you from falling sick which will financially cost you more than 5, 10, 15 minutes to look after you.

If you also put you at the bottom of the list and hit the wall, what good are you to your family? Mums and dads all need a break each day for themselves.

Why Do I Feel Selfish For Doing Self Care Activities?

This is one of the most common thoughts when people think about self care is that I am being selfish.  But let me tell you right now is that this is the biggest myth ever when it comes to self care.

If I asked the majority of mums and dads who is their biggest priority within their family, most would say “the children of course.”  But why is your children their biggest priority?  What about you and everything you do?  You may be running a job, looking after children with special needs, you may be on the road to recovery but I always say to my clients is what about you?  The answer to that is usually there is not enough time, I do something once a month.
I am sorry that is not enough?  If you have read my personal story, I have had all the excuses why I couldn’t do daily self care activities.  I looked after my mum who was unwell, I as a workaholic, I survived major depression and postnatal depression and I have two children with autism.  I spent approximately 7 months in a mother/baby unit and a psych ward after my second child was born and it was there that I really learnt that not putting myself first and taking time each day for some self care, I was not going to beat the depression and what is worse I will be no good for my girls.
I am not sitting here saying that I am perfect at doing self care everyday so this month is going to help me as well make sure that self care activities occur everyday.
Do you know that research states that everyone should take a short break every 90 minutes to be productive? If your partner is at work encourage them to take time out often for a small break.