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Does Your Relationship Matter After Having a Baby?

It is quite common once a child is born for couples to focus solely on the new child.  The go from being a couple to instantly becoming a parent.  There is no transition in life that is greater than becoming a parent.  But what happens to the couple?

John Gottman explains in his program Bringing Baby Home Program that the parent-child relationship becomes the family focus and the couple’s relationship is not a priority and it puts stress onto the relationship.  Nevertheless, more and more research is being completed emphasising that the parents need to work on their own relationship whilst transitioning into parenthood.  If parent’s feel that their relationship as a couple is becoming strained it will naturally take a toll on each person’s physical and mental well being.

If a couple worked on their relationship to keep it strong the couple will have:

  • higher self-esteem
  • Greater social success
  • Increased desire to be social, involved
  • High flexibility, willingness to change
  • Increased commitment
  • Better physical health
  • Ability to love

If a couple did not work on their relationship it would lead to:

  • Increased stress levels
  • Impulsiveness, poor decision making
  • Anger and hostility
  • Decreased creativity
  • Difficulty problem-solving
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Self-consciousness (Gottman, 2007, Bringing Baby Home program – Children and Parents: A Delicate Relationship, p.21)

Therefore it is extremely important for couples to foster their relationship and keep building on it in order to have a strong family relationship.  Below is a list of strategies you could implement on a daily basis to strengthen your relationship:

  • Say I love you
  • Send an I love you text
  • Sit down and watch tv together
  • Talk about each other’s day
  • Acknowledge that things are stressful and simply listen to each other.
  • Acknowledge that your partner is doing a good job.
  • Organise a date every month
  • Remember why you love your partner
  • Eat dinner together
  • Make sure you laugh!

Congratulations Prince William and Princess Catherine

Coaching for Lifetime Change would like to congratulate Kate and Will on the arrival of their little boy.  It has been definitely a media circus leading up to the birth.  What was amazing was the dazzling smile they both had showing the new member of the family to the world. But there was also that look that all new mums and dads have with what do we do next.

But just like any new parent, they too will go through all the joys and struggles all parents have. I am sure they are working out how much little one is feeding, how do you change a nappy, how do you breast feed, sleep routine and simply getting to know this new little person in their lives.  Family of origin will definitely play a major part for Prince William and Princess Kate as not only did both come from different family lives but they have to work together on how to raise their new son.  I am sure that there is a sense of grief especially for Prince William as he will not have the chance to share it with his mum.  I remember feeling sad after the birth of my girls knowing that my dad was not there to share this wonderful moment.

The media needs to respect their need for time together as a family as from reports they want to shelter their new child from the media eye as much as possible.  They will also need to be firm with family and friends if they do not want visitors all the time and I do suggest a sign on the gate to let people know that the new family is resting.

I do hope they are hands on with the child and by media reports they will be and not relying solely on nannies to raise the child.  I wish you both all the best and feel free to contact me if you need any guidance 🙂


Change and What It Means To You

When you see the word CHANGE: what did you feel?

 Do you see change as something positive or something negative?

What emotions does it bring up for you?

Change is inevitable, yet we fear it.  People may tell you that ” you have changed” and you could be left wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  If you “change your mind” it can also be seen as a weakness.  Every single person always have the opportunity to change the paths we are on no matter how good or bad things in out life can be.

We make constant changes in our lives when having a hair cut, changing our diet, moving out of home, going to university, getting married, changing jobs…………………..the list is endless.

As a new mum and dad,  we prepared fully for the changes that a new life brings to us.  We dream about having children and we can envision what our family unit will look like. But when little one comes along are we ready to embrace the change this will bring?  A natural part of us will grieve the things we have lost for instance being able to do anything we want, going out etc etc etc.  But if we fear change already then it makes it even harder to adjust to the new changes.

With change bring uncertainty which is one of our 4 basic human needs (Tony Robbins).  If we fear uncertainty and prefer to only have certainty in our lives then the uncertainty that a child can bring into our lives will be a very daunting experience until routine and the budding developing of a realtionship between parent and child is built.

Life itself is chnage.  It you want to engage in life fully we need to find ways to create and cope with change on all levels of our lives. But if we feel that changing your mind is a weakness then how are we going to make the necessary changes to live life with vitality and healthy?

A roman philosopher called Seneca said “that what will surprise you in not that you must learn how to live but that you must learn to die”.  He is not talking about death when he said it.  He was talking about letting parts of us die.  Attitudes, prejudices and ways of thinking must be surrendered and by doing this we need to allow them to die.

The best example I can think of at the moment I am creating a healthier and happier life style.  I need to let die the unhealthy attitudes, eating so that I can fully embrace my new life of healthy eating and exercising.  If I break my attitudes towards this journey and fully embrace it, then the change in lifestyle will not be a struggle.

What are things you would like to change in your life?