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Are You OK?

Are You Ok?

ARE YOU OK?

Today I was walking back to my car from an appointment.  I noticed that a car had it’s windows down and a mum was sitting in the car bawling her eyes out and there was a child in the back.  I could have kept walking past but in my head I kept thinking that we need to check if people are ok.  It also reminded me plenty of times, I was like her sitting in my car crying my eyes out suffering with depression and postnatal depression.  I was also concerned about her getting home safely in that state.

So I took the courage to ask her if she was ok?  She responded that she had to make some major decisions and that she had extreme anxiety.  The PANDA training kicked in and I asked her how big were the decision.  I shared with her that I also suffered depression and postnatal depression with my girls.  She then shared with me that her doctor said she might have to spend some time in the psych ward.  I remember having to make that decision and I said I spent 6 months in between the psych ward and the mother baby unit.

Although it was a 5 minute conversation, I gave her the courage to take the steps to get onto the road to recovery.  For me this time was hell but I came out an even better person.  I reminded her that her child needs a well mum and she deserved to take the time to get on the top of the postnatal depression.

I walked away feeling a bit nosy but knowing that I could have helped her get on the road to recovery and making the decision easier to make.

We need to take even a few minutes to ask a stranger Are You Ok?

Living in a Dark Place

I have been living in a dark place for the last few months.

It was getting darker and darker.

I was struggling with self harm thoughts.

I wanted to end it all.

I have been there before and I did not ever want to go back there ever again.  I have been on medication to ease physical pain but they were interacting with my anti depressants.

They made me go back to the dark place.

I did not self harm because I knew that it was the medication was creating this world and I just went into survival mode just to keep my head above the water.

My husband needs me.

My girls need me.

I have to be kind to myself.  It was just the medication.  I tried to keep silent and pretend that I was fine. This is the worst thing I could have done. How can you battle those dark thoughts and feelings by yourself.  YOU CAN’T. It is impossible and one reason why people take their lives.  Those voices (you don’t have any control of them) just get the better of you and you are convinced that you would be better off dead.   I finally opened up to Steve and told him the self harm thoughts were back.  I had someone to help me fight through them. Someone was on my side.

I had done it once and I knew I could do it again.  I got up everyday which is one of the hardest challenges.  It is easy to hide under the doona but then I was letting the depression win.  So I kept as much as a routine that I could just to keep me functioning.  I was moving in life but the dark thoughts kept trying to pull me down.  It was exhausting.

I focused on making sure I was putting nutritious food into my body and not food that feeds the darkness.  No point giving the darkness even more fuel to beat me.  I kept moving which helped to bring some light into my day even if it was just walking.  I coloured in the mindfulness colouring book which is swamping the book shelves.  I also knew that once my Doctor came back from holidays and he took me off the medication all will go back to normal.  I also refereed to my suicide first aid plan that gave me strategies to complete before I self harmed or put a plan into action.  I have 12 steps that I must complete and the first step is call Steve and I do not get much further.  If you are struggling create a 12 step plan to give you a life line.  Believe me it works.

My body is exhausted and I have had the flu this week and I have been made to rest.  I am back into using my essential oils to get rid of the negative thoughts and now I am feeling back at peace.  I got out my Dalai Lama books to help centre myself and I am not surrounding myself with any negativity.

Those thoughts will not win. You have to hold tight and fight.  It is worth it.

 

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