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Children Need To Understand Disappointment!

There has been some debate going on in Australia over a child crying on TV after not turning any chair on The Voice Kids.  Now I was watching the show when it was aired and thought the judges handled it extremely well.  However the was a lot of questions asked about Channel 9 decision to air that audition and child psychologists were against it.  Channel 9 and the family spoke about it before it was aired and the child agreed to have it aired.  However, I feel that children need to understand disappointment.

But what got me thinking was the fact that people were saying how bad it was for children to be put on the show etc etc etc.  Yes I did not like seeing the child break down on television and I wanted to give her a hug.  But what is wrong with a child crying because they are disappointed in not getting through to the next stage?  There is absolutely nothing wrong.  The sad thing is kids might tease her about crying on television but we can not shield children from the feeling of disappointment.

Being disappointed is just a feeling.  It is not good to feel at the time but it does go with the right support provided by role models.  Children feel disappointment when they don’t win a game, contest, get a good grade, not get that lolly when shopping etc etc etc.  It is up to us as parents to acknowledge the child’s feelings and provide a story of when we were disappointed and give them support.  The more strategies that we can teach children about how to handle disappointment will lead them to have a more successful life later on.  Those children will most likely not turn to alcohol, drugs etc to avoid the feeling of disappointment but learn from the experience and make them stronger.

What made me proud of this young lady was that she gathered her distress together and listened to the coaches.  By the time she left the stage she promised the judges that she will be back next year. I do hope she keeps developing as a singer because that will make her more successful in the future.  One story of disappointment could shape a child’s life into something spectacular.


The Cycle of Love

The most amazing book a couple who are transitioning to parenthood should read is Becoming Us – The Essential Relationship Guide for Parents by Elly Taylor.  So often we hear new mums and dads relationship struggles in the early stages of their new family that even by understanding where they sit on the cycle of love, would bring more peace and harmony to their relationship as they move to the next chapter of their life.

Elly breaks down the cycle of love into three parts:

  • Coming together
  • Growing apart
  • Growing together.

Coming Together is when couples come together for the first time.  There is excitement in the air.  We show the other person the best parts of ourselves and during this time we are attentive, caring, agreeable, available and we spend a lot of time together.

Growing Apart is when couple may sense that they are drifting apart as they start to re-establish some independence that we once had before we met.  We start to re-engage with friends and activities instead of spending all our time together.  It also shows other sides about the other person which can develop a deeper relationship with the other person.  Most couples would see this as a sign that the other person may simply not be into them (I know as that is pretty much how I felt in all my relationships lol) but it can be a good stage in the relationship.  We get to see the person for who they really are and we can embrace these differences as this is simply another part of them (I never thought I would be immersed in the world of Ironman Triathlons until I met my husband).  This stage is a ‘continual development revealing and sharing of ourselves that keeps a long term relationship fresh, interesting and exciting’.

If a couple have a baby it bring even more difference.  Becoming a parent challenges us to become even more of ourselves and this may mean that there needs to be some negotiation with our partner.  How we handle these differences will have a major impact for our family’s future.  These differences won’t necessarily be a bad thing if we love our partner for their uniqueness but because parenthood brings about a fuller person it is here that it can create conflict.

Growing Apart can feel threatening, anxiety provoking and uncomfortable. But it is a normal, healthy stage in the life cycle of love and serves a very important function.’  This stage is a great stage where couples can become great friends.  Couples get to know each other, accept and admire each other for who they are and get to know those quirky and annoying habits.  Relationship and parenting issues can only be resolved through openness, honesty, empathy and understanding.  We need to grow new roots for the stability of the family.  If both members of the family are able to spread their roots, the relationship will be stable.  If one member only spreads their roots, then most likely the relationship will topple.    These roots will be continually tested as our children grow up into adults.

Nevertheless, it is important that couples make the effort to stay bonded.  All relationships need work so it is important to keep building our friendship.

Growing Together stage ‘we realise our mutual responsibility to our relationship, our interdependence.  We begin to recognise that when we give to our relationship, it bears fruit that can be enjoyed by both of us.’  We feel comfortable in coming together and equally comfortable in spending tome apart.

The mastery of the Growing Together stage is being able to balance personal and relationship growth to develop our own family – us.  Each of us will be a better parent if we are supported by the other.  The relationship we co-create acts as a security blanket for our child – it gives them a sense of safety, trust and warmth.  Becoming a mother or a father isn’t just a commitment to our child.  It’s also a recommitment to our partnership.


Relationships change with a child.

A lot of mums and dads are amazed that relationships change with a child.  Before a child is born, you have a lot of time to be with each other and you definitely do not get woken up in the middle of the night.  You also have your partners attention all the time when you are together.

However when a child is born, it does change couple’s relationships.  All of a sudden your attention focuses on your child and less on each other.  Your time is taken up looking after your children 24/7 through feeding, bathing, playing and sleeping so it is natural for families with new children to sense a change in their relationships.

There are a few simple strategies that families can use to help keep the bond going with each other:

  1. Try and have dinner together once your child has gone to bed
  2. Thank each other for things that they do to help
  3. There are plenty of ways to say I love you
  4. There is a lot of love simply through touch of the face, hand etc.
  5. Acknowledge that being a parent can be tough.

If you would like to reinvigorate your relationship then have a look at my program as all relationships need work.


The Magic of I Love You

  • How many times in a day do you say “I Love You”?
  • Can you say “I love you” too much?
  • When you say “I love you” is it coming from the heart or are you simply just saying it because that is what you want people to hear?

love2  I am a person who says “I Love You” when I feel it in my heart and I could say it 10 times a day. I am also known for calling my husband and simply telling him that I love him and then I hang up.

I tell my girls all the time that I love them because no matter what happens I want them to always remember that I love them.  I do not remember hearing that a lot when growing up so I want to make sure that they know that I love them.

Sadly we do not know what our future holds and it can be gone in a second but I never want the people I love to doubt if I love them.