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Building a Relationship With Your ASD and SPD child.

Welcome to Part 2 of building a relationship with your ASD and SPD child.  If you have yet to read part one follow the link here Part 1.

How did you go this week?  How much time did you spend with your child and what activities did you do?

I spent time with both my girls individually so both children felt that I valued what activities that they were doing.  I also spend every night doing homework with them and acknowledging how hard they are trying.  Over the weekend, we went away to Anglesea so I had a lot of time to enjoy the girls.

So why is this important?

Years ago I completed a program called Circle of Security.  The goals for the program is to increase sensitivity to the child’s cue, increase self other reflective capacity and explore new representations and interaction patterns.

Circle of security

In the diagram above it demonstrates the continuous circle that all children do around throughout the day and mum and dad are always there as a safe base and safe haven.

Nevertheless for our journey to building a relationship with our ASD and SPD child some of their cues are very small and we can miss them and the interaction.

So this week I want us to a) spend a minimum of 5 minutes with your child and do things that they like to do to continue showing your child that they are valued and b) write down all the cues that they give to get you to interact.

I would love for you to share your cues with others that are reading to see if that helps work out some of the quiet cues they give.  You can also share them on the facebook page.  If you would prefer to share through email simply email on if you have any questions.

Have a fantastic week.

Why Won’t My Child Stop Crying?


Oops that’s right, I am meant to say that my child rarely cries.  For those who knows that this is not true keep reading.  For those who still think their child does not cry then you need to email me to tell me how you do it!

Blond Boy Crying

When your child is crying what goes through your head?  Is it why won’t they stop crying?  They are pushing all my buttons?  I can not stand the noise?  I need to escape!!!

How does your crying child make you feel?  Anxious, stressed, sad, frustrated, anger?

Have you ever thought about what is it about their crying that is “pushing your buttons”?

It can be quite helpful to understand why the crying is putting you on edge.  Once we have an idea why this is, you can put a different meaning on the behaviour and you may even find yourself feeling calmer.  It is really stressful when a child is constantly crying (I remember one evening when my hubby came home and his comment was I leave and she is crying and I come home and she is still crying) but attaching a different meaning to it can be very uplifting.

For instance, imagine you are out shopping and your child is crying non stop. Your getting looks from other people, your feeling upset and frustrated and wanting to run away.  But you think to yourself why is this upsetting me? It could be because you were brought up on the fact that children should be seen or not heard.  You constantly think to yourself that people are thinking that you are a hopeless mum.  The list is endless.

There is a program called The Circle Of Security which explains to a parent where on the circle a child could be at any stage.  On one side of the circle is the parent’s hands which is the child’s safe place.  The child moves continually around the circle to stages for instance being happy to go explore, to needing some interaction with an adult, to needing a cuddle and needing to be back in the parents arms.  The diagram shows the circle of security

Circle of security

By having an understanding of where your child may be around the circle may also reduce your frustrations with your child’s crying.

How could this concept help your family?