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Small Gestures Improve Relationships

Renew relationshipDo you know that daily small gestures improve relationships?

I am reading (for the 4th times) The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson.  It is a book that brings together pretty much all motivation and personal development into one.  Jeff Olson states that it is the small daily steps done continuously will always get you to the goals.

The same concept can apply to all areas in your life.

Imagine if you did small things that show your family how much you love them.  What do you think would happen?  It doesn’t have to be anything that costs anything, just simple things that would improve your relationships.

Even when the hurdles of life come into play, the small gestures is what will keep your relationship strong.

Another way you can look at it is picture your bank account.  If you did small gestures every day, even when tough time comes the amount of gestures in your gesture bank account will always out weigh the tough times.

I give you the challenge to test this concept out on your relationships.  The challenge is to do small daily activities to improve your relationship with your loved ones for the next month and head to my facebook page Coaching for Lifetime Change and share with how you are going.

 

Building a Relationship With Your ASD and SPD child.

Welcome to Part 2 of building a relationship with your ASD and SPD child.  If you have yet to read part one follow the link here Part 1.

How did you go this week?  How much time did you spend with your child and what activities did you do?

I spent time with both my girls individually so both children felt that I valued what activities that they were doing.  I also spend every night doing homework with them and acknowledging how hard they are trying.  Over the weekend, we went away to Anglesea so I had a lot of time to enjoy the girls.

So why is this important?

Years ago I completed a program called Circle of Security.  The goals for the program is to increase sensitivity to the child’s cue, increase self other reflective capacity and explore new representations and interaction patterns.

Circle of security

In the diagram above it demonstrates the continuous circle that all children do around throughout the day and mum and dad are always there as a safe base and safe haven.

Nevertheless for our journey to building a relationship with our ASD and SPD child some of their cues are very small and we can miss them and the interaction.

So this week I want us to a) spend a minimum of 5 minutes with your child and do things that they like to do to continue showing your child that they are valued and b) write down all the cues that they give to get you to interact.

I would love for you to share your cues with others that are reading to see if that helps work out some of the quiet cues they give.  You can also share them on the facebook page.  If you would prefer to share through email simply email on info@coachingforlifetimechange.com.au if you have any questions.

Have a fantastic week.

Secret Family Relationship 1|Coaching for Lifetime Change

The one relationship that my dad always taught me and it still is important now that I am married and have children and I am going to share it with you.

NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY, YOU NEVER KNOW IF THEY ARE GOING TO WAKE UP OR NOT!

D’oh Made A Mistake!!!!!!!

D'oh I have made a big mistake and all I can do is hit my forehead and say ‘what a stupid”.

Yesterday Steve said something that upset me and I thought I would simply brush it off.  We were tired from a busy holiday, the girls were arguing and we were having a 3 hour drive home.  Enough to all make us all shudder.

But of course that did not happen. I let it fester in me until this morning.  Steve and I had a miscommunication situation this morning and I just blurted out how I felt hurt and embarrassed about the comment that he said the day before.  Believe me I felt like a tool after that.

What is important for all mums, dads, children should be doing for your relationships is not to simply bottle situations up but calmly talk about the situation. What I should have done yesterday is simply start off with:

“I felt embarrassed about the comment………………………………………………………………”.

It could have been handled easily and calmly and left there and then instead of into the next day. Open and non confrontational communication is extremely important in all parts of your relationships.  By keeping with “I” statements you are simply saying how you felt.

For example partner is yelling in your face about a situation and it is really upsetting you.

A response to this situation is to say ‘I do not like how you yell at me like you were.  I do not feel this yelling is helping the situation or relationship and I will not tolerate this amount of aggressiveness”.  The other person needs to know that it is not acceptable to be yelling aggressively at you and that you are clear that you will not tolerate it.

By keeping the “you this, you that” will stop the confrontation and help to the communication calmer.

Why Kim Kardashian Will Never be Good at Family Relationships?

How many of us read all about the Kardashian’s and how to exploit your family to the extent of destruction?  What exactly do they stand for other than making money?  What makes it even scarier is that there is bound to be people out there who are basing their family relationship on the Kardashian.

Although, they attempt to portray themselves as this tight family where their relationships are extremely important but is that an accurate picture?  Hell no and it is very obvious when looking at their rates of divorce.  Nevertheless, I have been slightly impressed that Kim has shielded North from the public eye.

How does is Kanye going to add to this family relationship?  I am left wondering (and shaking my head) because he has a bigger ego as Kim and honestly he is so up himself with his unusual rants (oh poor me I only got two grammy nominations 🙁 ). I guess time will only tell.

Nevertheless, I would love to help Kim and Kanye to put their egos aside and help them to create their own empire with family relationships by really getting them to explore and vidualise what they picture their family relationship to be and take action to create their dreams.

 

Someone Who Understands

Wouldn’t it be great to get help from someone who understands?  Someone who understands how hard it is to be a new mum, someone who understands about having postnatal depression and understand how challenging it is to have children with special needs.

If you said a resounding YES to this answer well your in luck here.  I know how hard it is in these three areas as because these are my areas that I have personally live through on a daily basis.  My girls definitely did not give us an easy time as babies, I have lived through postnatal depression and depression and am now enjoying life and I have two children with autism and severe sensory processing disorder.

It can be extremely frustrating to seek help by someone who truly does not understand what you are going through.  But I do and I want to help you.  My family have definitely gone through to the depths of “crap” but we have managed to get through it all.  We are not perfect but we can get through anything as a family.

I am here to help you and your family start a new family beginning and start thriving as a family.  There is nothing you could say to me that would shock me and I just want to help you.

Kindness

Family transformation

 

We are all born helpless.  Without a parent’s kindness we could not survive, much less prosper.  When children grow up in constant fear, with no one to rely on, they suffer their whole lives.  Because the minds of small children are very delicate, their need for kindness is particularly obvious.

Adult human beings need kindness too.  If someone greets me with a nice smile, and expresses a genuinely friendly attitude, I appreciate it very much.  Though I might not know of that person or understand their language, they instantly gladden my heart.  On the other hand, if kindness is lacking, even in someone in my own culture whom I have known for many years, I feel it. Kindness and love, a real sense of brotherhood and sisterhood, these are very precious.  They make community possible and thus are crucial in society.’

(How to Practise – The Way to a Meaning Life by His Holiness the Dalai Lama, p. 4)

We Only Talk About The Children

How often do we hear that when you have time with your partner you only talk about the children.  For Steve and I we make time for children talk as that is always essential that both parents are on the same page in regards to the girls.

But when we are just spending time together we try our very best not to talk about the girls.  I do remember our first date night and we went out for dinner not far from home as it was our first time leaving them.  But we made the rule that we were not allowed to talk about the girls.  My goodness let me tell you it was like a first date because we were so used talking about the girls, we became out of practice about talking about other things.

It is a great time to touch base with each other and see how both individuals are travelling and talking openly to each other.

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