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Really Easy Way To Improve Your Relationship!

Do you want to learn a really easy way to improve your relationship?  Keep on reading.

Have an honest reflection on where you are currently with your partner and answer this question “Are you currently turning away or towards you partner?” This is a really tough question to answer, however, it is a good question to see where your relationship is currently at.

Relationships will always go through stressful periods. This can range from having children on the Autism Spectrum, financial, medical, mental health etc. A recent period of stress on my relationship with my husband is when I was suffering the side effects of medication. My mental well being went into the darkness that I never thought I would go back into and believe me I had myself convinced that my husband and I were on the road to separation.

I remember sitting in a course by Wendy Jacobs a few months ago and she said that even if one of you make changes to improve your relationship, your partner will naturally change. I have to admit when I heard this I was very sceptical because a relationship is a partnership and if only one person changes then how will this benefit a relationship?

I have been studying the work of John Gottman and in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he talks a lot about couples turning towards each other than away. He states that if you turn regularly towards each other you are strengthening your relationship which will assist when you hit stressful patches. By turning towards each other is the key to long lasting romance.

I decided to put all of this into an experiment after our stressful period. I know my husband hates when I am not fully listening to him. However, in my defence I am pretty certain that I have auditory processing troubles as I have always had trouble processing what people are saying when there is other noises around.

Nevertheless, I made the conscious decision that when he comes in from work, I stop and see how his day is. If he talks to me, I make sure I am looking at him rather than continuing with what I am doing. These are just small changes that I have made myself to see what would happen.

So what is the end result when I make the effort to turn towards my husband? He is actually turning more towards me again. By making this small change, has opened up the connection between my husband and I again.

What small change can you make in your relationship to help you to turn towards each other again?

Does Your Relationship Matter After Having a Baby?

It is quite common once a child is born for couples to focus solely on the new child.  The go from being a couple to instantly becoming a parent.  There is no transition in life that is greater than becoming a parent.  But what happens to the couple?

John Gottman explains in his program Bringing Baby Home Program that the parent-child relationship becomes the family focus and the couple’s relationship is not a priority and it puts stress onto the relationship.  Nevertheless, more and more research is being completed emphasising that the parents need to work on their own relationship whilst transitioning into parenthood.  If parent’s feel that their relationship as a couple is becoming strained it will naturally take a toll on each person’s physical and mental well being.

If a couple worked on their relationship to keep it strong the couple will have:

  • higher self-esteem
  • Greater social success
  • Increased desire to be social, involved
  • High flexibility, willingness to change
  • Increased commitment
  • Better physical health
  • Ability to love

If a couple did not work on their relationship it would lead to:

  • Increased stress levels
  • Impulsiveness, poor decision making
  • Anger and hostility
  • Decreased creativity
  • Difficulty problem-solving
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Self-consciousness (Gottman, 2007, Bringing Baby Home program – Children and Parents: A Delicate Relationship, p.21)

Therefore it is extremely important for couples to foster their relationship and keep building on it in order to have a strong family relationship.  Below is a list of strategies you could implement on a daily basis to strengthen your relationship:

  • Say I love you
  • Send an I love you text
  • Sit down and watch tv together
  • Talk about each other’s day
  • Acknowledge that things are stressful and simply listen to each other.
  • Acknowledge that your partner is doing a good job.
  • Organise a date every month
  • Remember why you love your partner
  • Eat dinner together
  • Make sure you laugh!