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I Have No Bond With My Child

A few mums say to me, especially if this is their first child, that “I have no bond with my child.”  Then after hearing a mum say this, I hear a massive sigh as a massive weight as been lifted off their shoulders.  They usually then go on to explain how they feel guilty and that they are a bad mum because they struggle to develop a bond with their child.

When your child gets put into your arms for the first time, you do not receive a book on your child. We are all left with getting to know their child.  No matter if this is your first child or your fifth child, no child is the same and every parent around the wall needs to get to know their new child.  Your child brings with them their own personality and some do not fit in the text book. I know mine didn’t read the book before the arrived.

One of the first strategies that I give mums who struggle to develop a bond with your child is a simple but very powerful strategy that can happen anytime, any where.  It is simply to touch your child.  Touch around their face, down their arms, around their little hand.  Touch your child and think about what you are touching as you go.  Think to yourself what their eye colour is, skin texture, anything that is special to your child.  Mums come back to me usually with amazement how strong this strategy was as they were able to explore their child.  Even mums with postnatal depression felt a change, even if it was small, towards the light when they do this activity and in time start to feel love and connection with their child.

Give it a go next time you have time with your child if you also think that “I have no bond with my child.”

Mother Guilt For Seeking Help |Coaching for Lifetime Change

Time in and time out I hear these words from clients at the commencement of their first session.  Here they are having made a massive decision for themselves to seek assistance in creating their dream family and transforming their relationship with their partner, their child and most importantly themselves.

Each time I hear that sentence a tear comes to my eyes.  What would you do if you wanted to get fit?  You would seek a fitness coach.  If you wanted to play footy? you would get a footy coach.  There is no guilt if you were seeking help from a coach in the above situations.  So why should there be any guilt for someone who is seeking help from a coach who focuses on families relationships and improving each of their relationships.

It also makes me reflect my own journey through parenthood.  I spent 7 months in a mother baby unit and in a psych ward after my second child was born.  It was damn tough and for quite a while I was questioning what I have done to my children.  I changed my thinking and I began to realise it was the greatest thing I could of done because I was given the chance to reconnect with who I was really was and I became a better mum.  Getting help was the best thing I could have done.

My clients also feel the same when all the transformations are happening.  It is amazing to watch each mum achieve the results that they have been wanting for so long.  To see their relationship with their child blossom even in the toughest of situations. To save relationships from divorce is one of the greatest experiences I share with my clients.  But the greatest achievement is watching mums find themselves.

There is simply no room for mother guilt for seeking help because the reality is these women have come to improve their relationships and at the end of the day it is these mums that benefit the most because they have transformed their relationships which will last forever.  The mums who are making others feel guilty are the ones that are missing out on having a fulfilling relationships with their family.

Don’t feel scared to make the decision to seek some help as I promise I am here with you 100% of the way from start to finish.

If you are a brand new mum who is wanting to improve your family relationships follow the link below to check out my programs.

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/brand-new-mums/

If you are a mum who is on the road to recovery from postnatal depression and you want to transform your relationships, click on the link below for the fantastic programs

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/new-family-beginnings-after-postnatal-depression/

If you are a mum with a child with special needs who wants to transform your relationship click on the following link so that you too can transform your relationship forever

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/surviving-to-thriving-for-mums-with-special-needs-children/

It’s Not Your Fault

I was just watching Good Will Hunting on TV and it came up to the part where the therapist says “It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault” over and over until Will cracks.  This part of the movie has always resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.

I want to tell you that your PND/PPD/Depression/Anxiety is not your fault.  If you have children with special needs “it’s not your fault”.  If you have had a hard time transitioning to parenthood “It’s not your fault”.

Because “it’s not your fault”.

No one ever chooses having mental health issues and no one chooses to have children with special needs.  Sadly it just happens and you need to keep telling yourself that it is not your fault.

You, as a mum or dad, do not need to add any more guilt about your situation and if you want help to rescue your family relationship, I am here to help you do that 100% of the time.

Show Yourself Some Love

As mums and dads we all want to be a good parent however we all have our good and bad days.  You might have over reacted to a situation, you may have yelled at your child.  I know being a mum with two children with autism, it can be extremely frustrating when they are loosing emotional control.  None of us are perfect but the important thing to remember is to:

 

Show Yourself Some Love!

It is ok to wrap your arms around yourself and remind yourself that we all have bad days and you are still a great mum and dad.

Bottle Feeding and Mother Guilt!

Breastfeeding  Coaching for Lifetime Change supports all women who either breastfeed and bottle feeding.  Today I walked through a food court where there was a good mixture of mums breast feeding and mums bottle feeding and even after all this time I felt a pang of guilt and envy at the same time.

I did not breast feed either Grace or Emma.  We tried for a month to breast feed Grace and it did not go well.  Every feed was painful as Grace would not latch properly on and there was very little milk supply.  Each feed was full of tears as I felt like a failure as a mother and women as breast feeding is promoted as something that is easy and natural.  I was amazed that even in the hospital little information of different options for instance medication to help milk supply or simply a phone number for a lactation consultant.  I also found out in the last couple of years that it is quite common for children with autism not to latch properly.

Emma on the other hand was breast feeding quite well but my doctors took me off breastfeeding due to my medication needs for my postnatal depression.  I was not given the option to use specific medication that is good for breast feeding mums.

The guilt that the majority of mums who can not breastfeed continues to affect them years later although at the time they did what was best not only for them but also for their child.  I know for my girls, they have been both well and rarely sick and I did research and make sure that they were having the best formula that I could give them.  I also knew that they did get the colostrum when they were born.

What is important now is for those mums to become at peace with their decision not to breastfeed.  By becoming in peace with your decision it will strengthen your relationship with your child as it is really important you do not feel like a failure as a mother and that you hurt your child for your reason for not breastfeeding.  If you would like to receive a video to gain this peace from the guilt, fill in your details on the following link http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/surviving-to-thriving-for-brand-new-mums-2/ and subscribe to my mailing list.

Sunburn and Mother Guilt

For the last 5 days I have been feeling like the

WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD

My husband and I are pretty anal when it comes to the girls and getting sunburnt.  But this week we had our first case of the girls being sunburnt (and us as well). 

We decided to go to Torquay for the day on Melbourne Cup (yes very unaustralian for not even watch the race that stops the nation).  We purchased three quarter length wet suits for the girls and were all prepared even with the Cancer Foundation supported sunscreen.  The bottle was within use by date and we applied it 10 mins before they went into the water.  Steve put sunscreen on and I only covered my arms, face, neck, legs and feet as there was no way I was heading into the cold water.

We had a fantastic time especially with Emma being confident in the water. The only problem is that we shouldn’t have believed that it was water resistant for 4 hours and reapplied it at the 2 hour mark.

The fun day has left me feeling like the worst mum in the world as we all came home sunburnt.  My poor foot was the worst affected and I have been on crutches for the last 4 days as it is too painful to put weight on my foot.  Poor little Emma couldn’t walk the next day with sunburnt at the back of the knee and Grace mainly had it on her knees and legs.  But I felt like I had abused the children by getting them sunburnt and it has taken me days to move past it.

The moral of this story is to buy 50+ sunscreen as the intensity of the sun must be getting stronger and not purchase the cancer foundation sunscreen as I really do not think it works all that well.  Plus it is always important to check use by dates on sunscreen, apply it 10 minutes before heading out into the sun and reapply it regularly (which is tricky with sand being everywhere) even if it says it lasts for 4 hours.

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