Paste your Google Webmaster Tools verification code here

Are You OK?

Are You Ok?

ARE YOU OK?

Today I was walking back to my car from an appointment.  I noticed that a car had it’s windows down and a mum was sitting in the car bawling her eyes out and there was a child in the back.  I could have kept walking past but in my head I kept thinking that we need to check if people are ok.  It also reminded me plenty of times, I was like her sitting in my car crying my eyes out suffering with depression and postnatal depression.  I was also concerned about her getting home safely in that state.

So I took the courage to ask her if she was ok?  She responded that she had to make some major decisions and that she had extreme anxiety.  The PANDA training kicked in and I asked her how big were the decision.  I shared with her that I also suffered depression and postnatal depression with my girls.  She then shared with me that her doctor said she might have to spend some time in the psych ward.  I remember having to make that decision and I said I spent 6 months in between the psych ward and the mother baby unit.

Although it was a 5 minute conversation, I gave her the courage to take the steps to get onto the road to recovery.  For me this time was hell but I came out an even better person.  I reminded her that her child needs a well mum and she deserved to take the time to get on the top of the postnatal depression.

I walked away feeling a bit nosy but knowing that I could have helped her get on the road to recovery and making the decision easier to make.

We need to take even a few minutes to ask a stranger Are You Ok?

My Postnatal Depression Didn’t Cause My Daughter’s ASD!

My Postnatal Depression didn’t cause my daughters ASD!  I was talking to a friend last night on the phone and I just want to say I love her to bits.  She is also a friend who you may not talk to for ages but it is like yesterday.  Whilst talking to her she explained to me how her hubby didn’t understand my Facebook post as I was sharing my dog’s trouble with anxiety and what it is doing to her physically.  My friend then tried to explain to her husband that Grace has anxiety and speech delay because of my long time (6 months) in hospital after Emma because of postnatal depression.

I was astounded by the comment but did my best to remain calm and just told her Grace has Autism.  My friend has short term memory issues so I understand there was absolutely no intention to upset me.  But it did hit a nerve.

There are professionals who would blame my stay in hospital as a major part for her behaviour (thank god none of my professionals did).  They could easily put it down her me not being with me.  However, Grace was with her sensational dad, aunties, cousins who probably was giving her more care than I could of at this time.  My doctors also helped Steve with services and Grace spent time during the day also with my sister in law who ran a family day care centre.  Steve also brought her in to see me pretty much daily.

You can not blame my postnatal depression story with Grace’s ASD because the wonderful professionals would tell you that her behaviours had started before Emma was born.

I have always said that despite all the hell I went through with depression and postnatal depression, really made me get to know the true self and believe me it has made me such a better mum for it.  But postnatal depression didn’t cause my daughter’s ASD.

Postnatal Depression Effects on Relationships

Steve and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary this week and I thought I would take the time to reflect on postnatal depression effects on relationships.  It is tough!  But it does not have to destroy your relationship.

We often hear women/men saying why doesn’t my partner understand?  It is virtually impossible for a partner to truly understand what you are going through if they have never had a bout of depression.  You can not imagine how hard the black cloud is to get out of.  The suffocation it feels.

You and your partner also had dreams of being a parent and no one dreams that they would have PND.  No one expects this illness as part of their transition into parenthood.  But it does happen and PND can happen to anyone. No one chooses it to happen.

Nevertheless, it is very hard on relationships and once you really get on the road to recovery from your illness, you can start strengthening your relationship.  For me, I was extremely lucky that I had an extremely supportive husband and family.  He did not understand it but he supported me all the way.  I said some horrible things to him along the way and he just couldn’t understand how I could feel little love for both of the girls.

So, how did we get through it?

  • Although he may not have wanted to hear my feelings, I was honest with him.
  • I held his hand a lot to keep me grounded.
  • We told each other that we loved each other.
  • I kept getting help and I did whatever I had to do for the love of my family.
  • I worked really hard to put strategies in place to keep me well.
  • We worked on our friendship which is the base of all relationships.
  • I kept trying and trying.
  • I started to get better and became more affectionate.
  • He listened and didn’t always try to fix things.  You need someone to listen.

Steve and I have always had a strong sense of friendship which one of the most important aspects of relationships.  When Steve was diagnosed with depression as a result of everything we have been through, it was easier because at least I knew what he was going through.

A visualisation that helps me through the tough times of his depression is that I picture an invisible bubble around me that no matter what it can not be penetrated.

If you are looking for help to get your relationship back on track, look at my coaching program Reinvigorate Your Relationship and sign up for a free Reinvigorate Your Relationship Coaching Session.

I Have No Bond With My Child

A few mums say to me, especially if this is their first child, that “I have no bond with my child.”  Then after hearing a mum say this, I hear a massive sigh as a massive weight as been lifted off their shoulders.  They usually then go on to explain how they feel guilty and that they are a bad mum because they struggle to develop a bond with their child.

When your child gets put into your arms for the first time, you do not receive a book on your child. We are all left with getting to know their child.  No matter if this is your first child or your fifth child, no child is the same and every parent around the wall needs to get to know their new child.  Your child brings with them their own personality and some do not fit in the text book. I know mine didn’t read the book before the arrived.

One of the first strategies that I give mums who struggle to develop a bond with your child is a simple but very powerful strategy that can happen anytime, any where.  It is simply to touch your child.  Touch around their face, down their arms, around their little hand.  Touch your child and think about what you are touching as you go.  Think to yourself what their eye colour is, skin texture, anything that is special to your child.  Mums come back to me usually with amazement how strong this strategy was as they were able to explore their child.  Even mums with postnatal depression felt a change, even if it was small, towards the light when they do this activity and in time start to feel love and connection with their child.

Give it a go next time you have time with your child if you also think that “I have no bond with my child.”

When Can I Trust My Thoughts Again and Not The Depression?

“You are a bad mum.”

“Your children do not love you.”

“You would be better off dead.”

“No one loves you.”

“You are hopeless.”

Is your mind telling you these statements?  Are they real?  Is it postnatal depression, depression, anxiety, PPD, PPA telling you them?

It is so draining to hear these types of thoughts running through the head 24/7 and no wonder people feel drained and tired.  It is extremely hard to decide which thoughts are real and which ones are not.  When it is dark around you and your struggling to reach the light, you believe these thoughts as real.  You keep thinking how could they not be real.  But how do you decide?

All the statements above are all false.  They are unhelpful thoughts and they should be labelled as unhelpful every time they pop into your head.  Say to yourself:

“No I am not hopeless.”

“No, my children love me.”

“No, I am not a bad mum.”

“No, I do not deserve to be dead.”

You really need to focus on every time you hear a voice saying this to you as it takes time to break these old thoughts.  The more you stop them, the more your brain will start rewiring and the unhelpful thoughts will stop in time.

When I was in my dark world, I had constant thoughts of self harm as a means of escape.  I had to dig deep inside (felt like I had to reach my toes) and every time I heard these voices I stopped them in their tracks.  The more I did it, the more I noticed that they reduced to finally they stopped.  But what I am trying to encourage you to do is realise it can take a good 6 weeks to break the old habit.

If you are sitting there thinking I really need to do this, you do not need to do this alone.  It is not an easy thing to break by yourself but I am here to help you through it.  On the link below I have a 12 week program that focuses solely on YOU.  You could easily make this one of your goals.  I will be there to hold your hand through challenging these thoughts until they no longer exist. You can do this and achieve amazing results.  All you have to do is take that first step.

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/new-family-beginnings-after-postnatal-depression/

 

 

 

Are You Relying Just On Your Medication to Cure PND?

bridge  Are you just relying on your medication to cure you of PND, depression, anxiety, PPD, PPA?  Medication equates for 30% of your recovery from your illness.  You cant not simply think that medication is the answer and that you do not need to do anything.  If that is your mindset you will find it will take longer to get into recovery.

You also need to seek professional help to get through the last 70%.  There are so many different types of therapy that suit different people.  I had CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) and I also had ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy) which in the end I felt combined the two different therapies nicely for me.

Each type of therapy will also give you strategies so that you can implement them in your daily life.  It is important that you find out which strategies work best for you and implement them daily.

Never give up because you will reach the end of the bridge and you will look back and be amazed about everything you have accomplished.

Postnatal Depression Has Taken Away My Identity!

We live surrounded by darkness for days, months and possible years.  There is very little joy.  We feel like robots simply doing the actions and not really enjoying life.  We go to our therapy appointments and we try our hardest to get well again.  We fight the urge to self harm, to scream, to run away on a daily basis and it is simply exhausting.

But one day we notice that there is more light than darkness and we commence on the road to recovery.  It is not like Dorothy skipping down the yellow brick road, we take cautious steps back into life and we realise that we are handling the challenges easier.

But we still feel lost.  We feel that PND/ depression / anxiety has robbed us of our self identity.  Who are we now?

We had this expectation of what we were going to be as mums and dads.  But this did not happen so who am I?

How do we go about reconnecting with ourselves?  How can we reconnect with anyone if we can not reconnect with ourselves.  I believe this is the first and important step for people on the road to recovery.

I have developed a 12 week program where together we will help you to not only reconnect with yourselves but also start a new chapter and transform your life like never before.  You might be thinking that is easier said than done.  You are right but you also may not have had 100% from someone who totally understand what it is like for you.  This program is all about you.  I have gone through this transformation in my own life and I am now at the stage where my drs are slowly reducing my medication.  I have already come off one and only have another two to go.  You can get there too by taking action and say to yourself this is what I want.

If you want to know more send my an email to info@coachingforlifetimechange.com.au and I promise we will tailor a program especially for you.

All I Feel is Darkness Around Me

When all around you is darkness and you think you can not go on, search for the light which is always there, grab hold of it with both hands and don’t ever let go.

You Don’t Have To Make Up For Anything|PND

Today I took Emma to a story/music time at the library and there she was sitting away from me (she is nearly turning five), doing the actions and listening to the stories.  I sat in awe at her because for the percentage of last year she was usually sitting on my knee and it took a lot of coaxing to participate.  We had a special moment from across the room where our eyes met and we both smiled and blew a kiss at each other.

Part of me still tells myself that I have to make it up to her for going through PND (postnatal depression).  But do you know what?  I don’t have to make up for it at all.  I was in the lowest place imaginable after Emma was born and I spent 7 months fighting the urge to kill myself and stop self harming.  I struggled minute by minute to get well for my girls and husband.  I would never wish anyone to go through the hell of PND and I did nothing wrong to get it.  Sadly it just chooses you.  I came to the conclusion awhile ago that PND made me be a better person.  I got to deal with issues from the past and I got to know myself so much better.

If you’re reading this post and you have gone through PND, you fought to get well.  You fought tooth and nail to get onto the road to recovery.  You did it not only for you but for your children.  If that does not show you how much you loved them even back when you might have had some dark intrusive thoughts, I do not know what will.

Grab this opportunity to push aside any thoughts of making it up to your child and start building that amazing relationship that you have always dreamt of.  Do not let anything stand in your way.

I would be honoured to help you to take those steps of accepting your story and start a new beginning chapter to your families relationships.  I can provide you 100% support through weekly phone calls, catch ups, Skype sessions or email support to:

  • To develop a positive and caring environment that will always leave you with the sense of being heard and understood especially by someone who has been through the same illness.
  • Develop a family vision that is based on your dreams and values. I will be able to support you with any challenges that you are encountering as you go.
  • Create a family lifestyle that you deserve
  • Understand and navigate the challenges that you are facing on the road to recovery and as a parent.
  • Find the space to heal past hurts, worries and be at peace with your journey
  • Create a balance between family, work and personal goals
  • Developing strategies to get in touch with who you are and who you want to be
  • Exploring and enhancing parenting skills so that there is no room for mothers guilt.
  • Improving communication skills with husband/partner
  • Improve your relationship and family dynamics
  • Get the spark back into the relationship
  • Develop strategies for overcoming any hurdles that are thrown your way
  • Gain the confidence and skills to be the best mum you could possibly be
  • Stay on the road to recovery

Feel free to email me on info@coachingforlifetimechange.com.au to take this brand new and amazing step to a new family relationship.

Who Will I Be On The Other Side?

WHO WILL I BE WHEN I GET OVER PND?

Are you asking yourself this question at this very moment?

In the midst of the darkness, you do not remember what you were like before the commencement of the illness.  It just feels like it was so far in the past that you actually felt normal.  You can feel so alone and enclosed in the darkness that you think we will never escape.

When you start to feel slightly better, you do naturally start to wonder who you will be when you feel better and you are no longer surrounded by the dark walls.  You once had a dream of being “the best mum possible” and now you label yourself “a bad mum” for what you have gone through.  Do you still stay this bad mum that you have labelled yourself or do you go back to the old you?

What about dreaming about who you want to be?  Life is about growing as an individual. We move through so many stages in life, why can’t we see this as an opportunity to grow as an individual?

If you really want to grow a better you and live your dreams, I want to work with you.  I want to help you reach the dreams that you have with 100% support.  I understand where you have been and want to be as I have walked the same path.  There is nothing better than talking with someone who have been on the same or similar paths.  I want you to reach your dreams and I promise that you will get there.

If you want my assistance and support, drop me an email info@coachingforlifetimechange.com.au and drop me a line about who you want to be and provide me with some contact so I can call you and look more in depth at creating the new you.  This call will provide you with a clear vision of who you want to be, clearing any blockages that are stopping you and shutting the door on the darkness and get you back into loving life.

//