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Don’t Link Your Postnatal Depression Journey to Your Child

PND_LogoColour_72dpiLately I have been hanging out in groups on Facebook with women who have been through postnatal depression/psychosis/anxiety and a theme I picked up which does concern me I their linking of their postnatal depression journey onto their child.  Very sadly for these women, who are still in the midst of the journey, they were labelling their child as the cause of their PND.  This brought tears to my eyes as it is really important that there is no link with their journey and the child.  

I know for myself for so long I have had the mentality that I had to make it all up to Emma for being in hospital with her for 5 months of her first year of life and I have been worried that when she hears about my struggles with PND that she may not forgive me for keeping her away from her daddy at the early stages in life.  My psychologist at the time challenged my thinking about this issue with a simple why do I think she would hate me?  When I verbally spoke about my reasoning, I realised that they were not founded reasons.  He then said to me ‘didn’t you do what you had to do for them?  and the answer is yes.  I had to do what I had to do to make sure they still had a mum to look after them. 

It is imperative that you do not blame the child for your journey because sadly it is not because of them that it has happened.  We have to work harder to establish the bond between us and your child loves you no matter what.  The best thing about PND is that you do recover from it and you can still establish strong and amazing connections with your children.  But the first step is do not blame the child for your journey.

If you want to know more how Coaching for Lifetime Change can help you break the sense of blame and establish strong and amazing connections with your children, click on the link for more information 

Fractured By Dawn Barker | Book Review

Recently I picked up the book titled Fractured By Dawn Barker.  After reading the back of the book, I thought it might be an interesting read because it dealt with the topic of postnatal psychosis.  I have to admit I was worried about opening this book because of my own experience as a survivor of postnatal depression.

The book is about Tony and Anna who has just welcomed into the family a baby called Jack.  The book goes into the events leading up to “the event” and also the aftermath of the event.  What is outstanding about this book is that it is mainly focuses on the effects this event has on the husband and the family.

This book is extremely confronting to people who have gone through similar journeys and it will be confronting to those who do not “believe” in postnatal psychosis/postnatal depression.  The main question is always how could a mother/father kill a child?  The saddest part is that it is a very real illness and unless you have been through personally, it is very hard to understand.  I have also had ECT and it really did save my life.  The Dr had to cold turkey me off an anti depressant that is known to be hard to come off in a slow way and it helped me to adjust to a new anti depressant.  I was also put into a psych ward for 4 months and it saved my life.

This book also highlights what the partner goes through which is extremely important as the partner can be “forgotten” as the focus is mainly on this other partner and getting them well.  It is really important that partners are not forgotten and given as much help as possible.

This book can not be seen as given an excuse to those people who kill children out of revenge but some understanding to those who suffer from the horrible illness.  No one chooses postnatal psychosis or postnatal depression and it can happen to anyone.

I would not recommend this book to anyone who is in the midst of their journey due to how confronting this book is.  But I do recommend this book to those who are unaware of the illness so that they gain more understanding as well as those individuals who may be suffering in silence to seek some help.  You are not alone.

I do recommend a box of tissues.