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Are You Surrounded By Darkness?

Darkness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are YOU surrounded by darkness?  Please be honest with yourself and know that it is ok to admit it.  In the last couple of days, there has been news of a dad taking the lives of his two young boys and his own and it serves constantly as a reminder the importance of reaching out to someone and getting help.

When you are surrounded by the darkness to the point where you see absolutely no other way but to take ones life, you can not fight it on your own.  It is a hard to explain to people how one can get to the brink and the immense struggle it is to fight off those suicidal thoughts.  I know what it is like.  I have been in that spot of ending my own life.  I wanted to be there for my family but I was consumed by the darkness of suicide. You do not have to suffer in silence.  But you need to get help immediately.  I would honestly say that I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to go through what I have been through.  Nevertheless, I have come out the other side a better and stronger person.  YOU CAN TOO.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in getting help and you may never know that by telling someone, you might also encourage them to speak up.  You do not have to take your life to “improve life”.  You can do that with a professional and a supportive group around you.

It is not easy but it is a lot harder to keep fighting the darkness.  You just need to say I NEED HELP.

Mother Guilt For Seeking Help |Coaching for Lifetime Change

Time in and time out I hear these words from clients at the commencement of their first session.  Here they are having made a massive decision for themselves to seek assistance in creating their dream family and transforming their relationship with their partner, their child and most importantly themselves.

Each time I hear that sentence a tear comes to my eyes.  What would you do if you wanted to get fit?  You would seek a fitness coach.  If you wanted to play footy? you would get a footy coach.  There is no guilt if you were seeking help from a coach in the above situations.  So why should there be any guilt for someone who is seeking help from a coach who focuses on families relationships and improving each of their relationships.

It also makes me reflect my own journey through parenthood.  I spent 7 months in a mother baby unit and in a psych ward after my second child was born.  It was damn tough and for quite a while I was questioning what I have done to my children.  I changed my thinking and I began to realise it was the greatest thing I could of done because I was given the chance to reconnect with who I was really was and I became a better mum.  Getting help was the best thing I could have done.

My clients also feel the same when all the transformations are happening.  It is amazing to watch each mum achieve the results that they have been wanting for so long.  To see their relationship with their child blossom even in the toughest of situations. To save relationships from divorce is one of the greatest experiences I share with my clients.  But the greatest achievement is watching mums find themselves.

There is simply no room for mother guilt for seeking help because the reality is these women have come to improve their relationships and at the end of the day it is these mums that benefit the most because they have transformed their relationships which will last forever.  The mums who are making others feel guilty are the ones that are missing out on having a fulfilling relationships with their family.

Don’t feel scared to make the decision to seek some help as I promise I am here with you 100% of the way from start to finish.

If you are a brand new mum who is wanting to improve your family relationships follow the link below to check out my programs.

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/brand-new-mums/

If you are a mum who is on the road to recovery from postnatal depression and you want to transform your relationships, click on the link below for the fantastic programs

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/new-family-beginnings-after-postnatal-depression/

If you are a mum with a child with special needs who wants to transform your relationship click on the following link so that you too can transform your relationship forever

http://coachingforlifetimechange.com.au/surviving-to-thriving-for-mums-with-special-needs-children/

The Massive Changes That Parenthood Brings to the Family Unit

“A woman can get married and her life does change. And a man can get married and his life changes. But nothing changes life as dramatically as having a child………….In this country, it is a particular experience, a rite of passage, if you will, that is unsupported for the most part, and rather ignored.  Somebody will send you a couple of presents for the baby, but people do not acknowledge the massive experience to the parents involved” ~ Dana Raphael.

I still believe this above quote which was made around 1970 is still very true today.  Mums and dads are not prepared for the massive change that the transition to parenthood makes.  We are prepared very well for the birth but what about for everything else.

If mums and dads were prepared more for the changes that parenthood brings before or just after the baby is born would we see a reduction of postnatal depression, struggling parents and maybe even the divorce rate?

Whilst in the hospital we are well taken care for and with this support we feel slightly confident.  But what happens when you exit the hospital doors?  I remember with bringing Grace home, I was thinking all the way home what do I do now? I remember how scared I was of what happens when we step foot in the door.  We had to figure it all out as a family and it was like being in a field of rabbit holes and trying not to fall in them.  Everywhere I turned I felt like I was falling into a hole as I struggled with breastfeeding, Grace would not sleep, how long do I let her sleep for and what happens if she slept through a feed.  The good thing is that more and more people are talking about places to turn to so women are getting more help.  But I truly believe more needs to be done. I am not going to rest until this is all changed and families stop having so many challenges.

I do believe that better preparation is needed for all parents so that they can meet these challenges head on with confidence and as a team.  The overall philosophy of Coaching For Lifetime Change is to help as many parents as possible to help them enjoy build the family unit that they have always dreamed of.

Fractured By Dawn Barker | Book Review

Recently I picked up the book titled Fractured By Dawn Barker.  After reading the back of the book, I thought it might be an interesting read because it dealt with the topic of postnatal psychosis.  I have to admit I was worried about opening this book because of my own experience as a survivor of postnatal depression.

The book is about Tony and Anna who has just welcomed into the family a baby called Jack.  The book goes into the events leading up to “the event” and also the aftermath of the event.  What is outstanding about this book is that it is mainly focuses on the effects this event has on the husband and the family.

This book is extremely confronting to people who have gone through similar journeys and it will be confronting to those who do not “believe” in postnatal psychosis/postnatal depression.  The main question is always how could a mother/father kill a child?  The saddest part is that it is a very real illness and unless you have been through personally, it is very hard to understand.  I have also had ECT and it really did save my life.  The Dr had to cold turkey me off an anti depressant that is known to be hard to come off in a slow way and it helped me to adjust to a new anti depressant.  I was also put into a psych ward for 4 months and it saved my life.

This book also highlights what the partner goes through which is extremely important as the partner can be “forgotten” as the focus is mainly on this other partner and getting them well.  It is really important that partners are not forgotten and given as much help as possible.

This book can not be seen as given an excuse to those people who kill children out of revenge but some understanding to those who suffer from the horrible illness.  No one chooses postnatal psychosis or postnatal depression and it can happen to anyone.

I would not recommend this book to anyone who is in the midst of their journey due to how confronting this book is.  But I do recommend this book to those who are unaware of the illness so that they gain more understanding as well as those individuals who may be suffering in silence to seek some help.  You are not alone.

I do recommend a box of tissues.

Listen to your Gut As Parents Know Their Child Best | Talking Thursday

Fourth April 2013 talking topic is:

When have you as a parent listened to your gut about something with your child and found out your gut was right?

I recent example for my own family is that Em has only been fully toilet since January and over the last couple of months we noticed that she was having trouble urinating.  It came to head with a case of acute fluid retention and we were about to be rushed to an emergency department but thank god Em managed to urinate to ease the pain.  The GP ran tests and no infection was found.  So The GP did another follow up test to make sure it was still clear.

But the trouble did not finish there and she gave us a lot of behavioural issues of not wanting to go to the toilet and also looking very strained when trying to urinate.  I brought the issue up with the OT and she felt there was an issue.  I ended up making another appointment with the GP and he ran an ultrasound because I was concerned and just wanted to make sure that it was not behavioural issues (Emma has autism and severe sensory processing disorder).  The did find something mild and we are in the process of follow up appointments.

As a parent you know your child best and if something is not right especially over time it is important to get the right help.  It is really hard because Drs can make you feel like an idiot but honestly when you get the right one you might get the right answers.  Just do not give up!

I would love you to share your examples of when your gut instinct has been right when it comes to your children.

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