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Extreme Self Care is for Selfish People

Extreme Self CareExtreme Self Care is for Selfish People!

Did you agree or disagree?

What is the difference between self care and extreme self care?

Do you personally think that self care is selfish because you are a mum or dad and you should be looking after the children?

At this moment, I am writing this post and enjoying a nice glass of wine.

Could a glass of wine be seen as part of your self care?  Yes it is.

How can we be the parent that you want to be (a did not mention “the perfect parent”) if you are not looking after yourself?

The truth is that when we decide to care for ourselves in a more attentive, proactive, and soul nourishing way, we’re forced to confront a cultural view that selfish is a dirty word.

Can we be a good mum or dad to our children if you are not looking after yourself?  No you cant.  All you will end up doing is destroying your immune system, being exhausted and not connecting with those around you like you want to.

When we care for ourselves deeply and deliberately, we naturally being to care for others – our families, our friends, and the world – in a healthier and more effective way.  We become conscious and conscientious people.  We tell the truth.  We make choices from a place of love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation.  We begin to understand that we’re all connected, and that our individual actions affect the greater whole in a more profound way than we ever imagined.

The art of self care takes patience, commitment, and practice.  It initially requires a willingness to sit with some pretty uncomfortable feelings such as guilt – for putting your own needs first, fear of being judged and criticized by others, or anxiety from challenging long held beliefs and behaviours.

As a telephone support worker for PANDA supporting mums and dads suffering through Postnatal Depression the importance to spend at least 5 minutes in a day with some form of self care activity.  If anyone told me that they didn’t have 5 minutes, I would say that is crap.  We all have five minutes which we could put to self care activities.

It could be enjoying a coffee whilst looking out the window, reading a magazine, a book, watching TV.  Whatever it is for you to enjoy.  Just book it in to do it once a day and make a commitment.  You will be surprised on how it will make you feel both physically and mentally.

Stress Affects All Members of the Family

Stress affects all members of the family and it is important to take time out to recharge the batteries.  Emma is suffering through severe anxiety at present and it has been tough on everyone.  The last term of school was far from easy and then of course we had to help her through the demands of Christmas.

I purchased tickets to see Star Wars VII at Imax at the start of January.  It was wonderful just to have a few hours to ourselves as a couple.  It gave us the chance to talk about some strategies that we can use to help Emma.  We could talk about how Grace was travelling.  Plus we had the chance to talk about how we both were handling things.

Taking time out especially during stressful periods is a MUST to reduce the amount of stress levels which will improve everyone’s well being.

Do You Feel Overwhelmed, Exhausted?


Believe me we all do, even me.  I have learnt the hard way that we simply can not keep digging ourselves further into a whole.

This is not some new year resolution.  This is something you need to do everyday.

Leading up to Christmas I was working lots of hours, preparing for Christmas and helping Emma with her anxiety.  It has been tough.

However, I vowed over the days after Christmas I was actually going to physically stop.  It was not as easy as thought it would be.  During the few days, I read two books, played on the piano, rode on the scooter with the girls and enjoyed just spending some much needed quiet time.

I know that doing something for yourself everyday would be an easy thing to do for a few days and it is very easy to fall back into old habits.  Nevertheless, I am begging you to do something for yourself every day.

Our children need a well parent.  Our relationships need happy family members.  It will be you that is going to suffer.  By not doing something everyday, your immune system will suffer and you will be setting your body up for cancer to grow.  That is not a lie, it is scientifically proven.


Why We Use Essential Oils

We have been using essential oils for about a year as part of my families well being and as I get more confident in using them for multiple purposes I know that we will never look back.

Essential oils are one of the great untapped resources of the world.  Here we have a system of natural help our bodies to function at a higher level than it is probably operating at.  These extremely complex precious liquids are extracted from very specific species of plant life and are in harmony with people and planet alike.  By taking essential oils into our lives we find a way to provide our family and home with the protection and pleasure they need without polluting ourselves or our environment with chemicals.

These days the household goods we use are mostly chemical-based, and the food we eat and the air we breathe contain more chemicals than we would like.  The cumulative effect of these, and the unknown effects as they react together within us, cannot be good for us, any more than chemical overload is good for the planet.  Sooner or later we are going to have to find some alternatives and, for some of our problems, the alternatives is literally right under our noses, drawing us to them with their sweet-smelling aroma – precious miracles and delights of creation, nature’s essential oils.

I am continually surprised how versatile the oils are and there are so many ways to use them.  As a family we have been using them to enhance our body function, improve our emotions, reduce our emotional overload and use them more and more in household tasks.

Someone once said to me what would people do if we couldn’t access medicine, hospitals, supermarkets due to a natural disaster?  I am always relieved that I have essential oils available if this ever was the case.


Five Lifesaving Steps When You Feel The World Crumbling.

mother love

At the moment I am feeling like the world is crumbling around me.  I feel like nothing is going right (ok except my fight with the insurance company) but even that has taken its toll on my emotional well being.

I seem to be at logger heads with Emma.  She seems to be ignoring most of my instructions.  Getting extremely angry over every no.  Not actually accepting the word no.  Don’t even mention homework.

Grace seems to be reacting to everything and all I can think of is that I need to get off the earth for a bit.  Maybe I am having my internal meltdown and my body is screaming it is time to get off the world for a bit.

It is not helping that I am on medication that has been putting added pressure on my body and it seems to be playing with my migraines so it is making things more challenging.

I am also missing my mum and dad like crazy as I can’t just pick up the phone and call them for their advice.  I see the older generation around at the shops and think often how that was robbed from both of my parents.

We all have those moments and it is hard not to feel depressed.

So what can you do?

Here are five suggestions that can help you through these tough challenges.

  1. Treat your body like a temple.  It is very easy to seek out comfort eating to “make” us feel better.  However, if this food is not healthy and with chemical additives and preservatives, it will most likely make you feel worse.  So stick to fresh food and say no to processed food.
  2. Exercise.  I have been finding that when I exercise, the stresses seem to be minimised and I become more focused.
  3. Journaling.  Sometimes it is healthy to write about your problems so they are outside of your head.  However the key here is although we can dwell as much as you like on the past and current problems, it will not get you anywhere.  If you actually do not come up with a solution to the problem then you are not going to come out of the problem.
  4. Speak to a friend or a professional.  Sometimes having someone there to simply to listen can be very helpful.  Don’t expect them to solve your problem but to have an open ear as you work out the solution.
  5. Sitting with your child when they are asleep.  At the present moment I am sitting on Emma’s bed listening to them breathe whilst they sleep.  This is probably one of my favourite times of the day to help me feel grounded.  I also enjoying diffusing some essential oils to help the girls and myself to feel even more grounded.

I could go on and on to this list as there are always many way to solve a problem.  If you are needing someone to talk to I have a support program for parents on a weekly basis.  Support program

Reading Books Improves Your Wellbeing.

Book readingDo you know that reading books improves your wellbeing?  In this months Wellbeing magazine there is an extremely interesting article on how a book can improve your wellbeing.

Bibliotherapy which is a blend of science of psychology and the art of literature is used by therapists in the UK prescribe books suffering from mild to moderate mental illness.


The Black Dog Institute of Australia also encourages clients to read books as it is:

  • a healthy distraction from the stresses of daily life
  • gives your body a chance to relax
  • help eases muscular tension and frazzled nerves
  • it can improve your mood
  • stimulate creativity
  • encourage empathy.

Examples of books on prescription are:

  • Changing Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman which I really recommend
  • Battling the Blues by Sue Tanner and Jill Ball

The slower you read the more chance you can really escape into the book’s world.  I know today when I was feeling down, I picked up A Book Thief and it picked up my mood.